OK, am I the only one who hadn’t seen Horton Hears a Who? My husband came home with the old cartoon version over the break and as I sat with my kids and watched it, I couldn’t believe the religious undertones!! It makes me want to see the recent version and also read the book!

You’re right Karen!  There’s a priest on the radio here who’s always saying “A person is a person, no matter how small!”

Good morning all. I hope that everyone had a Great Thanksgiving and is experiencing a peaceful start to Advent.
I have yet to see Horton hears a who yet myself but my husband has seen the old version many times . We were just talking about it the other day and he said he was going to rent it for me. Now I can’t wait.
I have a question this morning that I am hoping to get some opinions on. I am sorry to say that my etiquette in this area is non existent.
Last Saturday before mass I noticed that our Parish had put up it’s giving tree ( where you take a needy child’s name and buy a gift for that child). Praise God there were not as many names as in past years and as I scoured the tree for the names for our family to buy for( since my children are older, I prefer to buy for babies , toddlers, and smaller children), I noticed that the names were on there twice. I picked two . After Church I was thrilled to find some great prices at a local store that was still having their Thanksgiving weekend sale. I got several pair of warm pajamas buy one get one free for each child , a couple outfits each at fifty percent off, and a few small toys each. I was thrilled at being able to get so much for what my Husband and I felt was the amount that we should spend.
The problem arose when I was talking to a friend from church and mentioned my finds. My friend politely told me that I should either return quite a few of the things purchased, pick a couple more names ( I doubt that there are any more not taken ) and give only half or less, of what I had intended, or donate at least half elsewhere. My friend’s view is that gifts should be limited to a twenty to twenty five dollar price range( per name) and only include one outfit (or pajama set) and one toy . Her opinion was based on the fact that there may be brothers and sisters of the same family on the tree( I am sure there are) and that if I go “ overboard” even though I got excellent sale prices, and someone else"sticks to the unwritten rules” or doesn’t look for bargains, that family gifts would look very lopsided.
I understand what my friend is saying as I keep track of pricing of my own children’s gifts and keep things equal to the dollar. ( sometimes one gets ten gifts and another gets five. It just depends on what they ask for) I do not want to offend anyone , but I just felt that since I got such great prices and bought mostly clothing, which these children probably need anyway, keeping toys to a minimum, I didn’t see a problem.Of course if a parent sees a problem they could always just not put whatever portion of the clothes under the tree but directly into a drawer. Does anyone know if there is truly etiquette and rules that I am breaking ?How do others do these things? by amount ? by number of items?  Please help, I would never want to cause problems by trying to be generous !

Good Morning - I was wondering if someone would share their families traditions for celebrating St. Nicholas’ Feast Day. 
This is our first year celebrating with our daughter (neither one of our families celebrated when we were young).  We got little treats to put in her shoes but I was wondering if you do anything else?

Diane,
What a generous spirit!!!  I think if the gifts go unwrapped that the parents could do just as you say and make presents of a few to keep feelings from being hurt.  The best idea, I think, would be to talk with your parish office or organizer of the giving tree about your concerns.  They’ll know the family that you bought for and be able to give you specific direction...and may also have a creative solution if there are other siblings on the tree.

I need advice.  My sister is getting married in three weeks.  When scheduling her wedding, she specifically asked if my family would be able to make it, as we were the most significant guests ( I have a lot of children, who are the stars of the family as my other siblings are childless except for a one year old niece).  I told her to schedule her wedding, we would be there.  Then I found out I’m pregnant.  At the time of the wedding I will be 23 weeks.  In my last pregnancy, at 23 weeks I started on medication for preterm labor ( I was having contractions 15 minutes apart).  The wedding is a 10 hour car trip, or the family could fly, but my husband and kids would have to go without me.  I am prone to anxiety, which can make the preterm labor worse.  A couple nights ago I woke up at 3 am all freaked out about having my husband gone overnight while I am going through this.  I don’t think I can handle it.  If I send my kids on a plane by themselves, this would also be nerve wracking- plus there is the issue of who would watch them and would the people that are watching them be drinking at the wedding?  When I get really upset, my personal observation is that it tends to make me contract, which is not good.  I don’t want to ruin my sisters wedding, but I don’t see any choice other than staying home with my family.  I am interested in any advice people have.  I have sent my sister a letter( she should get it tomorrow) explaining that none of us are going, and offering to take her, her new husband, and his family out to dinner after the baby comes.  My sister will be heartbtoken when she getrs this letter.  HELP!

I forgot to mention that I have already started having contractions, so every expectation is that by the time of the wedding they will have increased to a level that I will need to be on medication.

First of all, to Danielle:  Thank you so much for making the time to post your reflections for Advent Days...and the drawings by Kateri are adorable!! So thank you to Kateri, as well!

I am up early this AM...our 15 year old daughter is going in for a removal and biopsy of a block in her ureter.  Her name is Veronica and any prayers will be appreciated.  Also this morning, we have a court hearing (which we clearly can not attend because we are with our daughter) about our home.  We leased it last spring with an option to buy, but the owner (a man from our parish) let it go in to foreclosure without our awareness.  We were told last week we would have to move by Christmas (with our 4 kids), and this man will not return our deposit.  We hired an attorney to represent us, and Veronica’s doctor wrote a beautiful letter explaining why we will not be in court.  Both of these events are difficult today, and I am very thankful for having faith to keep us going.  Please say a prayer for our family today.
Finally, I had posted about a Kindergarten lesson plan for the Jesse Tree.  I had many e-mail requests asking for the patterns.  A little over a week ago, my platelets dropped (I am currently undergoing chemotherapy) and I was unable to send it out.  My dear husband, Tony, posted a note about it for me, but I wanted to say that I will get around to mailing it to those of you who asked...but after Veronica’s surgery.  Thank you for your patence, understanding and most of all, your prayers.

The parish giving tree: I do what you do in that I usually get several items since it’s usually clothes and this might be the only gift they get. Ours go unwrapped so I wouldn’t worry about it being more or less for other children. That’s up to the parent to worry about. I would think generous is better. Also one parish I was in I think we were collecting for a shelter they pooled all the collected items and the parent got to shop/select so many items for each of their children. I think something similar happens this year since our tag is for toddler boy not a specific name unless they are trying to keep names private. I will admit this year I went simple and took the tag for diapers for the pregnancy center.

The evening before St. Nicholas day, the boys put out their shoes with a carrot each for St. Nick’s horse. We read a story or watch the St.Nicholas dvd--The boy who became Santa. In the morning they are pleased to discover a bag of gold chocolate coins (certified by St. Nick’s helper--me--to be made in any other country but China) and a small toy. Or this year, my 14 year old will get a pop up map of NYC. We used to get windmill cookies from Archway or Voortmans (supermarket) but they are hard to find. This year I was delighted to discover Spekulatius cookies (Bahlsen--from the Russian supermarket here, but I have seen Bahlsen cookies in ‘regular’ supermarkets too). These are thin cookies with sliced almonds on them. The packet I have shows ST. Nick with tree, a windmill, and a plain cookie. My kids like to frost the windmills. some years we have had St.Nicholas parties where we frost cookies and play “throw the beanbag through the hole"=throw the sack of gold down the chimney (as St. Nick did to help the poor girls). I got some music this year--by Benjamin Britten so we’ll see how that goes. Basically St.Nicholas is an opportunity to teach about kindness and sharing and charity. It is also a way to “mainstream” Santa into your Catholic Christmas celebrations. My kids know that St.Nicholas was a real person but Santa is not “real”. The other benefit is that the feast day can be used as a way to spread out Christmas gifts. The years that we travel to MS to see my husband’s family we give the large present (Fisher-Price garage, sleds, e.g.) on St.Nicholas day. Epiphany can be used at the back end. We save gifts that come from out of town relatives for twelfth night celebrations...but that is a different post. Check out stnicholascenter.org for more ideas.

Anon,

It doesn’t sound like you have any choice in missing your sister’s wedding, however I would seriously consider how you break the news to her. A letter by mail is not only impersonal but, in my opinion kind of rude. I would deeply consider calling her before she gets this letter and explain to her like you did us, why you simply can not attend. If she offers options, try to be gracious . Remember she is under stress too.

Therese - I will be praying for your faily today!

anonymous - What a dilemma! I don’t know what your relationship with your sister is, but if you are/have been forthright with her, I would hope she’d understand. Her wedding is one day (albeit an important one), but your baby’s life takes precedence. I, too, am prone to anxiety in some respects so I understand, at least to some degree, what you are feeling. My prayers are with you, too.

Finally, on the subject of St. Nicholas - Our son believes in Santa Claus. I’m having trouble explaining that St. Nicholas is Santa Claus - yet he’s a saint in heaven. The two stories are becoming a little incongruent. Any ideas?

Any tips for preparing our two year old for the arrival of baby sister next month?  Or tips on managing life with a two year old and a newborn?  And how about anything that you found quite helpful for relaxing during the pain of labor?  I was in the hospital with an epidural the first time, but will be at a birth center without drugs this time, Lord willing all goes well.  Thank you--as a young mother, I always enjoy and appreciate all of your insights!

for relaxing during labor- I find what works best are memories of being happy and secure, that are quite vivid- such as sitting in my grandmothers kitchen eating cookies as a child.  Then trying to remember -what was the table like- remember grandma’s curtains, etc.  I find it takes me back to when I truly did not have a care in the world.

Dear G:
We begin our celebration of the Feast of St. Nicholas, Bishop of Myra & Patron of Children, by attending the Divine Liturgy on this Feast Day. 
After Liturgy, we read about the life of this Saint & study the symbolism of our St. Nicholas icon.  We also have the children leave their shoes outside their bedroom doors on the eve of the Feast Day (putting gold coins & special fruits in them), make Czechloslovakian Moon Cookies (see St. Nicholas Center website), & have the children participate in a charitable activity for those less fortunate than us.  This year, they will purchase new slippers for the residents of one of the local nursing homes.

I love reading about all of the young family escapades and issues--I thought those days would never end, but now that they have, I would be interested in reading blogs from women whose children are high schoolers or older and/or new grandmothers.  Can anyone lead me to such a blog?

Thanks!

Dear KE:
Our prayers are with you as you prepare to welcome your precious little daughter into the world!  What a wonderful blessing!  After 6 births (4 natural & 2 c-section), I found that repeating a brief prayer with each breath during labor helps get me through—I either invoke the Holy Family ("Jesus, Mary, Joseph") or pray the Jesus Prayer ("Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner").

Any ideas on a good children’s book about St. Nicholas?

Please pray for our family.  Our son, Henry Blaise was born yesterday, stillborn.  I will be leaving from the hospital sometime today and Henry’s funeral will be on Thursday.  I have four other young children at home.  I knew I could come here for prayers.

Molly,

My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.  I have experienced multiple pregnancy losses and know the heartache well.  God will keep you in His loving hands!

I am so sorry to hear about the stillbirth of little Henry. It is truly heartbreaking. Especially as you had no indication of anything wrong. I too have experienced both an unanticipated stillbirth of twin sons, Joseph and James, and an anticipated stillbirth of our daughter, Rosemary, who had trisomy 18, as well as 2 miscarriages (one on Christmas day). My six daughters and one son here on earth consider them all part of the family -some are here and some are there - but we are all one family (they even gave the children that were miscarried middle names in all fairness ).
I will keep your grieving family in my prayers during this sad time.

Molly,
Condolences and prayers for solace and peace for your whole family.  What a painful loss.

Molly, I am so sorry to hear of your Loss.  My prayers go to you and your family.

I would like to ask your prayers for my my family, especially my daughter Vikki.  She has been volunteer teaching in Tanzania for the last three months.  A week ago, the day before her return she was involved in a very bad car crash.  She was given the all clear to fly home and on her arrival we took her directly to A&E;for a check when it was discovered the has a wedge fracture in her vertabrae.  We think she will be OK and are hoping and praying that she won’t need surgery.  She is in a lot of pain and her sister and brothers are all in shock, I have just had a conversation with her sister who was in tears saying she had just realised she could have lost her sister.  Any prayers would be much appreciated

KE - I’m right with you, as my daughter will be 22 months old when #2 makes her arrival in April. 
I’d really appreciate any advice that anyone has on making that transition easier for my almost 2-year-old.  She doesn’t understand it at all right now.  If anyone can even let me know how their firstborn of a similar age reacted when “dethroned” by a sibling, I’d really appreciate it!

Molly, I am so sorry for your loss.  My family will surely be praying for yours.  If you return to this page in the coming weeks, you may want to read Danielle Bean’s Inside Catholic article, “Alleluia in the Dark.” http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4949&Itemid=100

KE, congratulations on your growing family! I have a two year old girl and a four month old girl (and an almost five year old boy). We love the Joanna Cole books I’m a Big Brother and I’m a Big Sister. They do a great job showing what baby will be like and also how great it is to be older. My two year old calls it her Baby Book and often sleeps with it. In our experience, there’s a lot more talk about sibling anger/frustration about a newborn than actual problems. Our older kids love the babies and the babies love the older kids. That said, try to line up some help for the first few weeks. Recovering from childbirth and caring for an infant are hard work and demanding. I find it’s an easier transition for mommy if she knows the older ones are in good hands.

On the subject of labor. I had an epidural after an induction with my first. My second labor was much easier and the hard part was much faster. Personally, I can’t focus on much more than breathing toward the end. Just as the contractions get intense, I try to pray the Hail Mary (my go-to prayer for all sorts of painful and/or motherly things). If you want to read more about my labor experiences, here’s a link to my blog: http://ourhomeontherange.blogspot.com/2008/07/is-it-always-this-different.html

Special prayers for Therese’s and Henry’s families.

Molly,
How sad.  Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers this advent season.

Lots of tough things going on today - my prayers are with all of you.

Re: dealing with labor pains - I read a lot of natural birth books like the Bradley Birthing Method, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, and The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth.  Ina May’s book had lots of birth stories which I skipped at first then went back and re-read many times.

My favorite was the one where labor pains are compared to the tide rising and crashing and that they are doing their best work when you ride with them instead of against them.  I also tried to visualize a flower opening up.

Lucky you for a birth center option - we don’t have that here.

Molly - I am so very sad for you.  I have prayed and will continue to pray for you & your family. Peace.

Molly- I am sorry for your loss.  Prayers for your whole family!

KE- My son was not quite two when my daughter was born, and one thing that can be quite hard to do is discipline the two year old while nursing the newborn.  If you can think of a way to discipline which won’t require you putting down the baby that will be a help.  (We put our toddler in the corner, but it was not fun putting down the fussy nurser who had finally gotten settled to discipline her brother!)

Also one thing I caught myself doing was expecting my two year old to be more mature than he was.  Compared to a newborn, a two-year-old is SO much more capable of doing things that you expect him/her to be a grown-up kid when he/she is really still half a baby.  When you find yourself getting frustrated at the two-year-old, ask yourself if your expectations are reasonable or if the newborn has thrown off your perspective Hope that helps.

Diane- From someone who has organized Christmas toy drives we loved having generous gifts!  We always redistributed the gifts to make them even for each child ourselves.  Even if all of your gifts do not make it to the one child you were buying for, they will make it to some child in need!

Dear Anonymous,

I have 2 thoughts but both come from an idea that helps me deal with anxiety: there is ALWAYS another option, there is always a plan C to follow plan b.

1. Web Cams-- watch the wedding live where you are, if some kids stay with you great, if some go to relatives there great, just talk over the internet (and order in a fancy meal)

2. Deliver near your family. Is there a doctor there you trust? Could you go now? Is there a calming relative who would help you?

Just keep your options open and pray that God opens the door he wants you to go through.

For all those requesting prayers, I am praying for you.  May you feel God’s presence and love through your difficult times.

I am taking a class given through our diocese entitled “Spirituality of Vatican II.” I thought we would be going through the documents but I guess I should have payed more attention to the title so that my expectations would be different.  Until about a year ago I really didn’t know anything about Vatican II and still don’t know a whole lot.  I am a cradle Catholic but only 30 years old so I didn’t live through the changes and not much was told to me as I was growing up.  Anyway, I am not wanting to start a debate or anything, I am just interested in your thoughts, opinions, reactions to, and observations of the Second Vatican Council and the changes that came as a result.  On a side note but something that came up in class . . . is it still taught and should it still be our belief that the Catholic Church is the one true church?  This is what I was taught and have heard on EWTN TV and radio stations.

Molly,
I am so very sad to hear about your loss. Back in 1995, after having two healthy children my third child was stillborn. My prayers are certainly with you.

I also need advice!  I recently moved to be near family to get some more support with the children as my husband works long hours.  My sister had been encouraging me and even begging me to do so for a few years.  Now that I am here, there has been a complete 180 reversal.  She feels I am a burden and that I don’t understand her needs.  I think it has to do with the fact that she is having trouble getting pregnant and that we in a sense have oppposite challenges at the moment.  Until recently, I have been one of her closest confidants about her pain and sometimes her envy of friends who have been announcing new arrivals.  But now she has started to accuse me of not understanding (how can i?), and now she cannot stand when I talk about my children or my experiences of motherhood.  I have really, really tried to tone it down, but my whole life is consumed with all the fun things, and the hard things about having small and helpless children and i like to talk about my kids.  I don’t think that is so wrong!
At the moment, we do not call each other much, I NEVER ask for help because she tells me I am a burden to her.  We live a mile away and talk less to each other than when I lived 4 states away.
I think she needs a lot of love right now, but here’s the dilemma: she thinks I am a burden, and so if I call her to offer help, that makes her feel that she needs to do the same.  So I am caught between trying not to ask for support, wanting to ask for support and feeling like I SHOULD be able to, and then not being able to OFFER support because I might impose a burden on her to have to reciprocate.  Help!

Ideas for labor:  I pray (silently) “Jesus, I trust in you.” and part of the refrain from a song by Marie Bellet “Without you, I can do nothing; but with you, I can do anything.” Also, if you experience bad back labor as I do, those Thermacare back wraps work wonders. 
About St. Nicholas Day:  Following in the tradition my mother started when we were little, on the evening of St. Nicholas day, my children put out their shoes.  We then go in another room, usually on another floor of the house, and I perform a puppet show with homemade St. Nicholas and Helper Peter puppets.  St. Nicholas asks them how they have been behaving and makes specific recommendations on improvements for the next year (usually addressed to all so as not to single any one child out for bad behavior).  After the puppet show, they return to their shoes to find a treat, either cookies, candy, or some small gift not wrapped.  Sometimes St. Nicholas brings a movie or something for them all to share.

Sisterly love,
Wow, it does sure sound sticky. My advise would be to set a “date” with your sister. A time when you have no children tagging along and can set down and talk to her without distraction. Tell your sister that your heart goes out to her and her situation, but you feel hurt that she calls you a burden Especially when she had asked you for years to move closer so that she could help you.
From your side of the story , it sounds like your sister is taking out her frustration on you, someone who she loves and feels safe with doing such. Talking openly and showing her how much you love her and are hurt by her accusations, may just wake her up to what she is doing.
Secondly, I would truly look at the situation from your sister’s prospective.Do you only ask for help when truly needed or are you constantly using your motherhood as an excuse to get her to constantly do things for you ? ( I once had a friend who never took her children to the grocery store, or only took one child to the doctor at a time. This friend could not do laundry or even the slightest housework without help ) It can be very painful for someone who is having fertility issues to constantly help someone who they feel is taking their Motherhood for granted. Also your constant talking of Motherhood may be coming off as bragging,
I am involved with planning for a support group for people who have lost children through miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death and I hear constantly how people, who have lost their only child, are frustrated at how others , in their opinion,poorly handle Motherhood when they feel that they could do so much better if given a chance. 
I obviously don’t know you nor your sister so I don’t know and am only guessing. I do not intend to be mean either but simply bring up some experiences that I know of. Since my only sister died during infancy,it saddens me to hear your story.If I had my sister here with me I know I would do what it took to keep a good relationship. I suspect, by your comment that you would too. Good Luck, my prayers are with you both ,

We are due with baby #6 in 3 weeks.  I currently drive an 8 passenger Sienna.  While we can technically fit all 6 kids in this car, it’s pretty darn tight.  My husband wants to get a Suburban.  I’d like to avoid the giant van. Any suggestions for a car for a large family would be appreciated.  Thanks.

To Sisterly Love and Drama:
Ok, full disclosure, I’ve been a sister for 27 years, but never had a sister. That being said, I understand what you are going through from another perspective. My mother was one of four sisters and we lived several states away. Although we never moved “home”, my parents often considered it because of the family implications and the support they felt they would get at various times.

I think that when we live far from family, (my family is a few hours away, which often seems far) we think of how wonderful it would be to see each other every day and, I hate to use this term, we romanticize what it would be like to have family close by. I have known many friends who moved to be closer to family only to have family remind them why absence can sometimes make the heart grow fonder!

I am sure your sister cherishes your friendship even though she is having a hard time showing right now. Very likely, she romanticized what it would be like having you around when she was encouraging you to move back only to find out that the presence of your growing family made her feel her pain of loss more acutely. Your sister may have harbored some envy subconcously toward you and your husband, but because of distance, she was able to suppress that when you lived four states away. It wasn’t “in her face” so to speak. She probably feels extremely rotten for the way she is treating you, but is not sure how to deal with that either.

Having analyzed this a little now, you are in a bind. You want to be a good sister, but don’t know the best way to go about doing this. Like you said, your sister needs to be loved. And both of you need prayer. I would pray for her in her pain and that she may be blessed with grace. And if I were you, I would pray and ask God for the grace to be patient and loving toward your sister. Grace is a wonderful guide to doing the right thing.

Sisterly Love, a similar thing happened b/t my sister and I - when my dh & I first started our family, she was wonderful and totally supportive.  She was so close to her nieces!  After the first years of her marriage, she realized that she was dealing with the heartbreak of infertility and literally could not stand to be around us!  We went on to have 8 children, and she does not even know the younger ones.  We have tried to be sensitive to her feelings over the years, but she is bitter.  The fact that our family exists is painful to her.  I wish and pray that things would get better.

My prayers to all of you this day that are experiencing crisis and loss. May God comfort each of you.

To the mother experiencing the newest arrival - congrats!!!! Life with little ones is crazyand exciting! I have a 3 yr old, a 2 year old and a 1 and a half month old. I agree with the mother on discliplining - make sure it is something you can do with a newborn.

I have found the book Love and Logic to have a lot of great ideas for dealing with little ones - they even have a website. http://www.loveandlogic.com/ Has anyone else tried these techniques? My oldest seems to respond pretty well to these, especially the idea of “choices.”

I find the time following the birth of a newborn particularly hectic as you yourself are so exhausted, even with help.

One thing that helps me.....Our priest gave a sermon on thinking of your day like a athletic game. Often we get off track early in the day and think that the day is shot, he suggested that we try to regroup - call it “half-time” - analyze our day, adjust our strategy and go with the new course. It sounds so simple, but it has really helped this tired Mom!

Hi,
To anonymous - I understand why you would not want to go to the wedding yourself, but honestly, why not allow your husband and children to go?  If there is a problem, he can always return.  That, to me, sounds excessive.  Moreover, I agree with the earlier comment that a letter is a very impersonal, harsh way to break the news to your sister. 

Molly - so sorry for your loss.  Be well.

#3 - Diane, I wouldn’t worry about your gifts.  The coordinators of the gift exchange usually make sure things even out - and those things sound like a blessing to whoever receives them.  I remember when I worked for our parish, and I watched the coordinators of the same project spend hours after everything was turned in making sure it was fairly shared...ie no family was forgotten (some people forget to return gifts) and beautifully presented for them.  I’m sure your generosity is more than appreciated and needed. 

One of my relatives used to pick up those cards and buy items on sale that no one would dress their dog in let alone their child, or the wrong season, size etc, no matter what anyone said.  She insisted that it was better than nothing.  Your generosity balances out some of the things the giving tree receives that aren’t so great.

Praying for all of the intentions here.  There’s alot of stuff out there today.

To Sister Love & Drama,

I don’t know what advise to give to you.  I’ve been on the “other side” of the drama with a particular sister, and that is, I have the time and freedom to help one of my sisters with her children, but my sister is so ungrateful (and expects so much help but nothing is offered in return EVER), that I have given up offering my services.  It’s not worth it.  So I keep my distance, I pray for her and her family and hope that one day she will understand my distance. 

In full disclosure, I’ve lived around family my entire adult life and sometimes you are better off treating family as you would treat friends.  Be cordial and friendly to one another, but allow the space for them to live their own lives.  And don’t expect family to do everything for you.

To Mom of 6,

I love my Suburban.  I’ve had it for four years and have had no problems.  We’ve taken it on long trips and there is plenty of room for us and luggage.  It drives like a car.  You could probably get a really good deal on one now.

Anon~
I’ve only been married for 19 months and I have a 4 month old, so the drama of planning a wedding and the stress of expectant motherhood are very fresh in my mind.  Your sister was very gracious in planning her wedding date around the family.  Surely, you can be just as gracious in talking to her personally about your situation.  Please realize that weddings are very important to the couple being married and that if you handle this poorly, there is a very real possibility that you will alienate yourself from her and possibly the rest of your family.  My mother has a chronic illness (not the same the very real fact that you could lose a child due to pre-term delivery, I know) and her “if I can’t do it, my family can’t either” attitude hurt a lot of people.  I also know that during my pregnancy, I had to remember that my problems didn’t make me the center of the universe.  (I’m not saying that you are doing this, but it is a common temptation.) It got particularly laughable when I would wonder why my sister wouldn’t do X for me, since I felt so awful, only to realize that she was 4.5 months further along in her own pregnancy or had her hands full with a newborn. 

It sounds like you have older children.  Would it be possible to ask one of them to stay home with you and send the rest of the family to the wedding?  Or, perhaps you have a friend who could look in on you or stay with you.  No matter how much we love our families, having them around to take care of can be a cause of stress too.  Sending the family away for a few days might help your stress level.  Just a thought.

Therese:  Praying for all your intentions.
Molly: Terribly sorry for your loss, praying for you and your family at this time
KE:  Labor...Having l-o-n-g, natural labors, I too recommend the ‘Hail Mary’ for breathing through the contractions.  Also, if you personally know someone who you can ‘offer up’ your labor for, can be a huge help. One contraction at a time.
Preparing a sibling...Most of my children are 2 yrs. apart and I prepare them by ‘talking’. .. “This baby can’t wait to see you.”; “This baby is so happy your are the older brother/sister.”; “I bet you can’t wait to hold the baby, let’s practice.” (I always keep it positive.) When the baby arrives I allowed the child to be as involved as they desired...even if it means ‘holding’ for the twelfth time or ‘helping hold’ while I was nursing.I never had any sibling problems with our 11.  (Also, try to keep things very simple and easy...freezer meals( I’d double all meals the last few weeks and have at least 20-30 frozen)...declutter toys/ laundry etc. whatever may overstress you. Enjoy them and God bless.

Hello Everyone,

I have another Giving Tree/Giving Wreath comment. This year, my husband and I have decided to skip presents this year for the two of us, so that we could spend more money on the Giving Wreath at our parish. We explained to our four children that this year we are each going to choose a name from the giving wreath and personally pick out a gift for that person. We made a big deal of it because we are trying to focus our children on the giving rather than receiving of advent. I really wanted to be generous with this. However, when we went to pick our “candles” off of the giving wreath, I was really surprised to find out the very expensive toys being requested. Each candle represents one person and requests two items. Usually a toy and clothing. Every candle my kids or I picked out from the wreath was requesting toys that cost well over $100 PLUS clothing. Basically, I had to have my kids put back the candles they had choosen are really search to find items we could afford. There were requests for Power Wheels, Wii’s, computers games and software and each “toy” was also accompanied by a request for a gift card and/or clothing. I have to say, it was a little disheartening to see these high dollar items requested that went above and beyond what we have budgeted for our own children. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? It’s sort of ruined the experience for our family. We feel like what we can afford will not be good enough considering the items that were requested.

For those experiencing such misfortune and hardship, I will keep you in my prayers.  Thank you for putting my small everyday life problems in perspective and being able to thank God for our (currently) good health and fortune.  To Molly, I will say a special prayer for my grandmother’s intercession in Heaven: her 5th child Michael was a 9 month old still born and is still rememberd today, almost 50 years later.

Sisterly Love- I am reading a book right now from Elizabeth George that I bought for $5 a couple of years ago because it was on sale in the Christian store.  It’s called A Woman After God’s Own Heart- Danielle, I’m in the process of buying one of yours!! I love reading this stuff and actually JUST read yesterday that it is in a woman’s heart to care for others and to make those special phone calls to check on friends and family.  I wouldn’t stop doing that if you want to support your sister.  Eventhough she may not appreciate it now, she may later.  And maybe you just need to be honest with her.  Tell her that you want to help her.  Maybe your move there wasn’t so that she could help you, but God sent you there to help her.  If you believe that, tell her that.  And just be careful about telling her about the kids.  Do you have a friend to call to talk about the wonderful moments of motherhood? Or maybe start a blog or a journal so that you can keep those thoughts there and wait until your sister is ready to handle it. 

That’s what I would do.  I have been through A LOT of adversity lately with my family (I have 2 brothers, no sisters) and it has helped immensely to just be plain and honest.  If you want to help her, make sure she knows that and that you don’t WANT anything in return.  You need to feed your soul.  That’s what us women do.  We like to do for other people because it makes us feel good.  Especially when it’s family.  If she turns you down, at least you can say you tried and then just pray for God to open her heart and her mind to your love.

Mary and Therese- My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Dear MOLLY:  Please be assured of our prayers for you & your family during this difficult time!!
“When God takes someone from us, it is always for a good reason.  When the sheep have grazed & thinned the grass in the lower regions, the shepherd will take a little lamb in his arms, carry it up the mountain where the grass is green, lay it down, & soon the other sheep will follow.  Every now & then Our Lord takes a lamb from the parched field of a family up to those Heavenly Green Pastures, that the rest of the family may keep their eyes on their true home & follow through.” ~ Simple Truths by Fulton J. Sheen

Jennifer D. :  YES, the Catholic Church is the one, true Church & has believed, taught, preserved, defended & died for the Faith of the Apostles since the Day of Pentecost 2000 years ago.

Michelle #46- In the past I’ve been involved in organizing the giving tree, and often the “receivers” ask for expensive toys, that many of us wouldn’t/couldn’t buy for our own children. In can make one feel taken advantage of, but try not to take it personally . . .I offer three thoughts 1) the sharing tree receivers are asking from a place of deep deprivation and he/she may not really understand or care about the monetary cost of the request. 2) Sometimes the receivers live in dangerous neighborhoods, and their mothers are trying to find ways to keep them off the streets and close to home 3) And, only spend what you can spend and don’t worry about it.  Gift cards are always good, especially general use ones, like an american express card or visa card.  You are so good to share what yo have with others.

Hello Ladies:
Just wondering if any of you would share you’re remedies for morning sickness. Right now, I’m not throwing up (and trying hard not to b/c I am nursing a 5 1/2 month old) but I feel nausea after I wake-up and then I can NOT sleep @ night. HELP! Thanks ahead of time.

Sisterly Love,
Having been on the infertile side in a very fertile family and group of friends, may I offer some things to consider.  The recommendation above to have a sit down heart-to-heart chat with your sister, with no one else around, is very good.  She may well be very happy for your family but have difficulty, at times, to set aside her pain.  One of the best things that was said to me was along the lines of I don’t know how you feel and can only imagine the pain I’d feel in your situation but I do love you and want to be of support.  It was made clear that while I was always invited to events and gatherings, if it was a tough time and I didn’t feel up to being social, that I could just say I’m not going with no pressure for explanations of hurt feelings.  Even if it was a last minute change of heart (as in having just gotten my period and needing time to mourn another lost opportunity) it was ok.
Another thought is you say you moved back to the area for more support from the family and you love to talk about your children (understandable)---- the cute kid stories can be hard to take as your sister may feel that she has nothing of value that you want to talk about as she has no kid stories to share ---- do you share other interests that you could focus on with her???  or even movie night for just the sisters???
It sounds like she may be wanting her sister to just be with her, as a sister, not as her nieces & nephews’ Mom.
just some ideas

My mom is searching for a book for my 12 year old sister about her changing body and all the questions she has. Is there any good Christian book out there that someone recommends?

Michelle # 46
I know what you mean as I encountered the same as I looked at giving trees in stores in my area. This is why I was so excited when I found the tree at My Parish that only listed ages and clothing sizes. No toy wishes.My husband and I don’t buy our children extravagant things either and we surely wouldn’t buy them for another. I think that today’s society is responsible for these kids expecting total strangers to give them bikes, video games, computers, etc. But that is another post. I wish you were in my area where Churches still give us a chance to help without trying to bankrupt us. Please keep looking, or contact a local charity where you can help out within your budget and teach your children the great feeling of giving !

Molly...I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you. Saying a prayer for your little one and for healing for you and your family.

Mary W...re. morning sickness...I’m only on my third pregnancy, but here are some things that worked for me: sometimes I got nauseous because I was dehydrated/thirsty; try sipping on ice water throughout the day. Simple protein (even if you really can’t stand the thought) also helps; with my last pregnancy with my little boy I ate a lot of soft boiled eggs and plain, buttered toast with it. Simple carbs also appealed to me like pasta (just with butter, a little parmesan cheese and salt and pepper), or a plain bagel with cream cheese. Some other “natural” stomach soothers are ginger (try tea or real ginger ale...not Canada Dry), lemon (weak lemonade or just a slice of lemon in water), or my Mom used to swear by flat Coca Cola. Exhaustion also exaserbates (sp?) nausea...is there any way to rest while your baby naps? Can your husband let you sleep in or let you have a nap wh