I’m so sorry Rachel that that happened to you!  Do not feel silly about crying over it, I would have too. I don’t know why that man would do that, though all the exlanations you gave sound reasonable, especially your writing.  I know quite a few people at the church I go to that are very offended at women writing in that capacity.  Strange, I know. 
I also have had an experience at church where I was treated, I believe, unfairly.  I was with my 18 month daughter at noon mass, which was not well attended, and I sat a few rows in front of an elderly couple.  She was talkative, but not loud, learning how to whisper in church, and asking me questions, and saying things like, “I love you Jesus”!, “Hi Jesus”!, and so on.  I was happy after church and thought she did really well.  As I was leaving and exiting through the door, I bumped into the couple behind us and it was evident they had something to say so I stopped and gave them a smile while holding my now squiming daughter.  They both frowned, and the man said, “Don’t you know what cry rooms are for”? “We would have appreciated it if you had stayed in there and not disturbed the whole church during Mass!” And then they walked out.  I cried and cried.  It still stings a little.  Why do people say things like that?

Allison P.

That’s quite possibly one of the rudest things I’ve ever heard! For goodness sakes - it’s the sign of PEACE!!!! You columns hardly seem offensive to me, but even if he did takes something the wrong way, what a childish - or cowardly - way to express it!

Allison, Been there, done that...SO many times, I can’t even count.  My 2 youngest boys were VERY squirmy at church when they were younger but they were never noisy so that was never an issue.  However, my now 2 yr old daughter has her moments at Mass but is generally pretty good...and was VERY good one day a few weeks back at a daily Mass.  Well, lo & behold, a woman whom we “know” b/c we see her at Mass regularly (both daily & Sunday) came up to me & said, “Well, she’s not as quiet as the boys were, huh?!” Honestly, I just looked at her & said, “We didn’t attend this parish when they were her age...consider yourself lucky!  I was just thinking of what an angel she was today (b/c she was!) as a matter of fact!” She was SO totally embarrassed b/c we didn’t attend our current parish till my youngest son was 2-1/2 yrs older than my daughter is now...how could she possibly be compared to a 4-1/2 yr old when she is only 2?!?!?!  People just do NOT think before they speak...and I was shocked that she would have the nerve to say that to me, in Church, mere moments after receiving Jesus in Holy Communion...it’s still shocking to me but all we can do is keep going, don’t let them make you feel bad (easier said than done!) and keep giving our children the example of how to behave in Church.  God bless you & your family!!!

Rachel, I have to wonder (making an effort not to jump to conclusions) at the state of that person’s soul, if he so deliberately excluded you during that part of the liturgy. What could have been in his heart? Of course it hurt you.

I think your writer theory is a plausible one--you never know what innocuous bit of print will strike someone the wrong way on a raw nerve--but I’d stick to the “sneeze” idea, or whatever will allow you to believe the best about the person, and still pray for him--just in case.

Oh, and I think I would have done the same thing you did.

Oh, that would have made me completely sick to my stomach and I definitely would have cried, too!  He had to have known how you might interpret his actions.  If he was afraid of germs, he should have explained himself and excused himself from shaking your sons’ hands as well.  If he is offended by your writing, then he should have considered what the sign of peace is meant to convey, not just to those we greet but to ourselves, as well.

What a huge distraction, just before receiving Holy Eucharist.  How in the world were you able to compose yourself?

I would have reacted the same way as you did but perhaps you might have your husband ask him about the incident the next time you see him, after Mass.

Rachel,
This reminds me of my upstairs neighbor in my single girl days.  She was always stand-offish to me and would often complain to our landlord about my “loud activities” (2-3 friends in for dinner fairly often and a yearly admittedly loud party).  When speaking with the landlord he said, don’t worry she always complained about the prior tenant --she’s just generally unhappy and jealous.  After that I made a conscious effort to think of it as being so sad that she was so unhappy and acted in this way.  It made me thankful for all the good things in my life and gave me a degree of compassion (although not always) towards her.

This is why I don’t like the sign of peace.  At best, it’s pleasant; at worst, it can be a huge distraction and cause of all kinds of misunderstanding and bad feelings.  Most of the time, in my experience, it’s merely a jarring distraction from the most intense part of the litrurgy.  I just don’t see why it’s necessary.

Oh Rachel ,I’m so sorry that a fellow Catholic was so rude to you.You have every right to be hurt. I would have cried too. I also think that you did the right thing by passing on a confrontation,especially with your kids present. God only knows why some are so rude. Even if you sneezed, he could have smiled and said “Peace be with you “ while reaching for your son’s hand. Maybe it is the writing thing but if so he is the biggest coward that I have ever heard of.

As for you parents who face the wrath of more of our most rude Catholic’s simply because you feel that your children need to learn to attend church, I say Keep taking those babies and teach them. Too many use cry rooms as a free for all ( nobody can hear you so go ahead and make noise, or play, or whatever . This encourages a child to not pay attention to the mass ) and being in there your children will never learn.

As for all Catholic’s, realize that your actions (hospitable or rude) are a reflection on all of us. There is never a reason to be rude in church of all places. If something bothers you to where you need to vent, try talking about it with the priest. If he agrees than he can help you to get the message across in a more loving way.

We had a family that used to give their children piggy back rides to the alter and take communion with the kids on their backs. I don’t know how many Sunday’s I offered my frustration up and kept quiet. Finally it stopped as I believe Father seen what was happening and took care of it. I am, to this day glad that I didn’t say anything.

I agree with Simcha.  In some of the very small towns in Ireland where my family is from, they don’t do it.  Why?  Because there was so much infighting and feuding in little communities this is exactly what people would do.  Not offer the sign of peace...which would just make things worse.  So over the years it’s becoming just a “peace be with you” in response to the priest and that’s it. 
Furthermore, some churches here (I can speak for Chicago and metro-Atlanta) skip it during daily Masses when they’re trying to keep it to a 30 minute Mass time. 

Anyway - to your question Rachel - pray for this guy and let it go.  Just think of the Third Sorrowful Mystery - the physical and emotional abuse and taunting that Jesus suffered.  I get hung up on stuff like this as well - but there’s not a day goes by that I don’t have a situation that reminds me of one of the Mysteries. Actually something usually happens every day that reminds of some Seinfeld episode too.  So between the Rosary and Seinfeld you should be OK. 

How hurtful.  It would seem that if he were concerned about the ‘germ’ factor, he would have avoided shaking all of your hands.  Over the years at my parish, I have noticed a few people who don’t physically participate during the Sign of Peace.  They clasp their hands together, nod and say, “Peace be with you.” In these cases, though, they weren’t selectively participating; they weren‘t shaking hands with anyone around them.
Interestingly enough, I actually cried once when someone did offer me the Sign of Peace!  It was one of those weeks where I was at my wits’ end with my then two year-old and had retreated to the vestibule because she was being so disruptive.  One of our ushers made a point of coming over to me and offering the sign of peace.  He had such a kindly look on his face that I teared up.  I truly hope that I can remember what it’s like to be “in the trenches” when my children are grown and be supportive of families with young children in my parish.

So sorry that happened to you. :( I was refused the sign of the peace and believe me, it was quite a rejection!  I came up with so many reasons why someone would not grant the sign of the peace.  After all, isn’t that the reason we gather at church?  After much prayer, I learned that this became an opportunity of forgiveness.  By forgiving the person, I was able to let go of the pain caused by the rejection, and at the same time, free that person from the offense.  It took some practice, but it helped.  I’m not saying that your feelings are not justified or that there wasn’t an offense, because there was.  I realized, that the pain, the reasoning for it, began to consume a lot of time and I wasn’t being present to the moment.  In the end, I was freed and I am grateful for the Holy Spirit inspiring this response to my prayers.

Rachel,
It was really courageous of you to tell this story - especially the part about the crying.  I would feel exactly the way you did, and cry too.  You might not ever know the reason the man acted so rudely, but it surely has more to do with him than with you.  I wouldn’t doubt it if his wife told him how rude he was on the way home. 

I also agree with Simcha about the sign of peace.  I live in a really conservative rural area, and there are a lot of people around here - me included! - who feel really strange about the kissing and hugging that is often encouraged at mass.  I am not criticizing people who are huggers.  It’s kind of an affliction these days to be so reserved.  But this guy might be one of those people who can’t deal with that kind of physicality in a public setting, or with people outside of their family (especially of the opposite sex), and it’s possible he was afraid you were going to hug him.  Even though I absentmindedly kiss and hug and pat my little ones during mass all the time, I freeze up when I think someone else wants to give me a hug.  I don’t want to be rude, so I always giggle awkwardly and stiffly try to get the hug over quickly.  I hope I don’t look rude, but I’m sure at the very least I look stupid.  At our parish, the priest periodically asks that we all hug instead of shake hands!  Some folks have taken to doing that as a matter of course, and others of us are just trying to find new and better ways to hide.  We are not always so slick.  A habit of sitting in the back sometimes provides a clue to that sort of awkward personality.  So, yes, pray for him, whether he’s just socially awkward or really a mean guy.

And keep writing for all of us who love your perspective!
Pax,
sheo

call me crazy but my first thought was that he refused it because of your gender. you didn’t mention to whom he offered his hand (besides your sons) but it would have been my jump-to conclusion that he simply didn’t do that with women.

was his wife veiled? do you veil?

hmmm. so many questions.

the sign of peace tends to be very distracting for me too. i haven’t really decided whether or not i like it but frankly, it’s not my call. if the church says it’s part of the liturgy, it’s part of the liturgy.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement (and your compassion). Laura, his wife wasn’t veiled (and I don’t veil). It’s all such a mystery!

I will definitely keep you posted if I get anymore information in this saga…

It is really devastating when someone doesn’t shake our hand!!  I’ve been there - after a strep outbreak in the area, priests skipped the sign of peace altogether.  It was really hard when we started back up and some people chose to skip peace all together out of fear of germs perhaps?  Who knows?!  I find myself freezing when it comes to the Our Father because I know I will get a warm greeting from my husband and that is ALL I can guarantee!!

The last time I felt “snubbed” was when my sister-in-law didn’t turn to greet me at all.  Then I remembered (after feeling awkward, embarrassed, hurt, etc.) that she has Multiple Sclerosis and couldn’t move her joints to greet me that particular day.  That taught me a great deal about judging when people don’t shake hands.  In your case however, the gentleman greeted your sons, so I unfortunately have no good theory on his actions...maybe he just had a large blind spot

The only reason I could see someone not shaking hands was if they were sick (but usually people just say that they are, and offer a wave or pat on the shoulder instead). But that doesn’t seem to be the case. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that!

Pray and pray is all the advice I can write. Sometimes I think the sensitive heart God gave me can be a curse, and I can relate to being hurt by even seemingly little things. The Gospel reading hit home this week about going to the person, then to group, then to the Church...since I have this friend that hasn’t returned any of my efforts to contact her after 2 months.  I feel sad about the situation and had let it take a toll on my emotions and time.  I know I need to take my own advice and just pray.  If you are meant to confront this man to give you peace then I believe the Holy Spirit will give you the inspiration and opportunity too.  This might be helpful for the time of peace-our priest asked us this week to take time to pray for our own peace in our hearts so we can extend it to our neighbor right before the time of peace.  It really made me realize that we need that peace from Christ to share to others. And when we shake/hug our fellow parishioners to remember to “be Christ to them” and pray for them.

I hope you will learn the answer to this and post it.  Once, in the workplace, I extended my hand to a new client and he drew back saying, “My religion does not allow me to touch women.” At least he explained and I was gracious, but I still felt a tad hurt by this rejection.

That’s an interesting story. I’m not sure what to make of it.

My first question is whether this was this past Sunday or the previous Sunday. Although it sounds like it was the previous Sunday, I know this past Sunday was largely about loving our neighbors as ourselves. I know he was the one displaying the unfriendly behavior, but have you given any thought to how you will resolve this in terms of living out the words of the Scripture?  I’ve had a lot of questions like that lately, and I am unsure of how I would handle the situation in regards to the Gospel. 

The other part is my own personal situation. I have an invisible chronic illness that can be somewhat severe at times. You can’t look at me and tell I’m sick, but the medication I take completely shuts down my immune system. I do have days when I can become a germophobe, and that just comes from my fear of getting an illness from others anytime, particularly during the sign of peace. However, I certainly would have been more concerned about germs from kids than another adult. On the rare occasions when I avoid participating, other than with the members of my immediate family, I clasp my hands behind my back and smile and say peace to those around me. At other times, I have actually left and gone to the hall or restroom to avoid it so I don’t make anyone uncomfortable. I always try to be polite, and while I’m offering my own explanation and reservations regarding my illness, because he shook the hands of your sons, that doesn’t seem like this is the plausible explanation for his behavior. You made no mention of coughing up a lung during the preceding thirty minutes of Mass, so again, this seems unlikely. Most of the time, my solution is to just shake the hands of everyone --those coughing up lungs, sneezing or not even showing signs of a contagious illness. Immediately after, I use antibacterial solution that I carry in my purse. I do try to be discreet when doing so and reach in my purse so as to not offend anyone. I also work hard to try to make sure no one sees what I am doing. I’m not at Mass to make others uncomfortable or to offend. 

I’d be interested to hear what happens if your husband chooses to speak with him. While it’s a big incident for you because of how you felt, he may claim to have no recollection of it, especially since some time has past. Others will plead ignorance because they don’t handle confrontation well.

I’m afraid you will only find out the real reason by asking him.  If he’s even willing to be honest about it.  I don’t see any other realistic reasons here…

I really don’t like the sign of peace.  I never have.  I love it when I have to hold my toddler so I can just smile (not shake) and say “peace” to the 1st 3 people who make eye contact.  Then I’m done.  I don’t continue “peacing” everyone around me unless I’m clearly snubbing someone.  I usually just busy myself with some kid-attending. 

I don’t know what that says about me.  I don’t think it means that I’m uncharitable.  I guess I’ve always felt it to be a bit false - and I’m uncomfortable with it.  It seems to intrude on the Mass, rather than to be an organic part of it. 

All this is about me, not your situation. 

Maybe the man you encountered was uncomfortable with you as a woman.  It’s possible.  As crazy as it sounds, it’s possible.

I hope it becomes clear to you how to proceed.  Maybe you’ll notice he doesn’t shake any female hands on some future Sunday and you can chalk it up to a personality quirk. 

Thanks for writing - I love to read your point of view.

There have been a number of times when I’ve half-bowed and said “Peace be with you” (hands either holding a child or folded) instead of shaking hands during the Sign of Peace.  I’ve generally done this if it would be ackward for me to shake hands (holding a child, too far away, would need to reach across people), or if I’ve got a bad cold.

So far this tends to work well.

[btw this is how Japanese Catholics offer a sign of peace.]

The non-shaker should just be glad he didn’t live in St Augustine’s time…

“Then, after the consecration of the Holy Sacrifice of God, because He wished us also to be His sacrifice, a fact which was made clear when the Holy Sacrifice was first instituted, and because that Sacrifice is a sign of what we are, behold, when the Sacrifice is finished, we say the Lord’s Prayer which you have received and recited. After this, the ‘Peace be with you’ is said, and the Christians embrace one another with the holy kiss. This is a sign of peace; as the lips indicate, let peace be made in your conscience, that is, when your lips draw near to those of your brother, do not let your heart withdraw from his. Hence, these are great and powerful sacraments.”
(from an Easter Sermon)

I’m with the person who thought it was maybe because of your gender. Some folk get overly caught up on whether to greet a person of the opposite sex or not. Or maybe it was because you (shock) kissed your boys (shock).

Whatever, St Augustine would vindicate you on both counts.

Rachael,
During the sign of Peace at our Mass , some people will shake hands, some nod, some wave and some do nothing and to me thats fine.  I am from the era of that not being part of the Mass, and so when it was instituted I had to get used to it too :o)
And when I am sitting at Mass and people around me are coughing , sneezing and hacking, I too pass on shaking hands and just nod .. I think God understands my concern about getting someone elses diseases :o)
Peace

Rachel, I am so sorry that you were refused a handshake during the kiss of peace.  I would have cried and been hurt.  Most of all I would have been confused? Why?  Then I would be drawn to pray for him.  For healing of whatever it is that he is experiencing or needs.  One other thought I had was that maybe he thought it wasn’t modest or acceptable to handshake with a woman he doesn’t know.  Some people have deep feelings about how they should interact with the opposite sex such as not to be viewed as overly friendly or too forward.  If his age is older than yours maybe he was worried about purity.  You may never know.  Just offer it up for your sanctification and for his.

I had a similar situation happen to me, albeit without kids.  I was attending Mass at the chapel of the order my brother belongs to.  At the sign of peace, I turned to shake the hands of the family behind me.  Everyone of them refused to look at me and bowed their heads, hands clasped.  I was freaked out.  My brother explained that they were former (?) members of the Society of St Pius X, and did not believe in the sign of peace.  Maybe the gentleman you encountered at Mass had a similar background, but was trying to be kind to the boys?

Oh my goodness, I would have bawled, too!
Goodness, maybe he thought you were an unwed mother and did not approve, though that is certainly not a conclusion he should have drawn nor should he have been so unkind.
I am just sorry this has happened.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and would have just come undone by something like that!

I have some friends that are self-described Traditionalists and they refuse to extend the Sign of Peace.

Girl friend! I’m sorry you were so hurt! That feeling of blatant rejection is the worst! The same thing happened to me and when I asked the woman, she said that I had sneezed on my hand a couple times and she is the mother of a newborn! The explanation could be just as simple. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but don’t sit in wonder. The next time you see that guy, just ask him in a friendly, curious manner. You might be surprised at the simplicity of his answer. Of course, you might be offended too, but no use wondering and fretting!

Rachel, I’m sorry this happened to you.  But sometimes, you just have to pull yourself up by the boot straps and say, “this isn’t about ME, it’s about him” and move on.  Seriously.  I personally do not like the kiss of peace, I would rather skip that part of the Mass completely.  One of the reasons why I prefer to go to daily mass is that we don’t focus too much on the singing and kiss of peace, but that’s just me.  Most people are too wrapped up in their own world view to really see other people, don’t forget that - you and I included.

I am sorry you were hurt by this.  I would have cried as well.  A similar thing happened to me at Mass on Sunday, but it was not quite like your situation.  The people didn’t see me or my son attempt to shake hands.  I would assume of you sneezed, the person would have at least waved or given the peace sign.  As others have said, offer up prayer for this man.  He is obviously troubled by something.  I think we all agree that we would have reacted in the same way.

Wow Rachel, rude rude rude. I wonder what was going through his mind. I would be
hurt too. However, this would be my attitude: “Luke 10: 5-6”. And just feel the weight lift off your shoulders. Might sound to practical.
But you have plenty to keep your mind busy to have to worry about what some
disgruntled senior “thinks” you did wrong.

I would have teared up also :-( I like to attend morning mass when I can and there are one or two people who appear to have “germ phobia”. but they will turn and acknowledge you, say peace be with you and smile, but will keep their arms to their sides.

Rachel, I, too would have cried.  That is such a hurtful gesture, one would think that before receiving the Eucharist that one would not create spiritual chaos.  It is ordered by Christ that if you have something against your brother then it needs to be cleared up before asking Jesus for cleansing from you sins....
I hate when someone has resentment against you and never seeks reparation but holds you in bondage (or, I end up holding myself in bondage and get sick at the thought of such incidences).  Lord have peace upon you, and mercy upon him....

It takes all kinds!!!I’ve worked with the public for 20 years and you’ll have a hard time scaring me because I’ve become so ‘thick-skinned’. Just remember it’s not all about YOU---sometimes it’s just THEM.......Peace be with you!

As a self described germaphobe, I can only guess that it may have been a cough/sneeze thing. I’ve been immuno-suppressed in the past, but I wouldn’t shake anyone’s hand during that time. To save face I’d tell those around me, “Oh I have a wicked cold, but peace of Christ”, that way I was singling no one out. In this man’s case maybe he was convinced that you did something gross he certainly was singling you out though-strange. Also, Rachel don’t be surprised by the amount of certifiable nutjobs who walk the planet.
Sometimes, when I can’t explain someone’s strange behavior, and I’m pretty intuitive, I tell myself that he/she must be mental and pray for them.

That’s just plain weird.  I wouldn’t even try to understand it.  It’s pretty rude, nervy behavior.  Either never sit by them again, or get up the nerve to ask what the deal is, and then tell him how it made you feel.

Oh, Rachel!  I would have been in tears, too!  I can’t fathom why he wouldn’t shake your hand.  Once at Mass, an older lady behind us refused to shake my children’s hands because of germs.  I can almost understand the fear of germs....but really?  Which is worse, a little cold or hurting the feelings of one of God’s little ones? 
I am at a loss as to explain that man’s behavior! 
Jen in OK

I have heard that some of the lay movements in the Church discourage physical contact between opposite genders.  Maybe that was it?

Also, our former pastor used to say about those who complained about children at Mass:  “If they don’t like the children being at Mass THEY are free to leave.  Children belong at Mass.” I have always loved him for that.

Hrm, that is a bit odd.

I’m wondering if perhaps the gentleman didn’t feel comfortable “giving you peace” because you are a married woman and your husband was not with you? I understand it’s a bit of an “out there” theory, but I do know men who would consider it disrespectful to touch a married woman - even in the sign of peace - without her husband present.

Or - perhaps he didn’t feel comfortable shaking your hand because of what was in HIS heart or mind, not because of anything you or your boys did.

Given the fact he did shake your sons’ hands, I would think the former, if more “out there” theory might be true.

I would say a few prayers for the guy, and then let it go.

Around the DC area, there is a large contingency of Catholics who refuse to participate in the “Peace” part of Mass altogether; in fact, several priests don’t include it at all. It was explained to me once that it has something to do with that not being an original part of the traditional Mass.(?) I’ve had the experience on a couple of occasions where the person next to me refused to make eye contact with me when I offered my hand, they just folded their hands in front of them instead. At first I was hurt by the blatant refusal. When it came down to it, I was embarrassed; I had made myself vulnerable to another and had been rejected. But once I found out that perhaps they were refraining on principle, as a personal spiritual decision, I didn’t take it personally anymore. I still find it odd, but I liken it to those who like to have the whole pew hold hands together during the Our Father, which I find incredibly weird and uncomfortable, and I have often just closed my eyes and folded my hands - which I can see might easily have been seen as rude and uncharitable by someone else. But in your situation, the fact that he shook hands with your sons but not you is kind of freakish. If he has an issue with shaking a woman’s hand (as a married man), then it seems he should just refrain altogether, so as not to offend the unknowing women around him. I’m curious if you saw what his “Peace behavior” was at the next week’s Mass, since you were sitting back behind him. Did he shake the hands of any other women?

While I have no clue why you encountered such a sad and discomforting experience at the sign of peace, I would like to share this from the Catechism of the Catholic Church for those who indicated they found the kiss of peace problematic (passage below)… In all our flaws and awkwardness, we celebrate Eucharist as the Body of Christ and the sign of peace is a visible sign of our unity as brothers and sisters in that Body.  The difficulties we experience are best dealt with in a loving and forgiving way, not through attempts to “avoid” or “eliminate” the awkwardness.

The below was copied directly from the Catechism… Please note that this description of the liturgy was written in 155 AD. 
I call your attention to the following phrase:
“When the prayers are concluded we exchange the kiss.”

“1345 As early as the second century we have the witness of St. Justin Martyr for the basic lines of the order of the Eucharistic celebration. They have stayed the same until our own day for all the great liturgical families. St. Justin wrote to the pagan emperor Antoninus Pius (138-161) around the year 155, explaining what Christians did:

On the day we call the day of the sun, all who dwell in the city or country gather in the same place.
The memoirs of the apostles and the writings of the prophets are read, as much as time permits.

When the reader has finished, he who presides over those gathered admonishes and challenges them to imitate these beautiful things.

Then we all rise together and offer prayers* for ourselves . . .and for all others, wherever they may be, so that we may be found righteous by our life and actions, and faithful to the commandments, so as to obtain eternal salvation.

When the prayers are concluded we exchange the kiss.

Then someone brings bread and a cup of water and wine mixed together to him who presides over the brethren.

He takes them and offers praise and glory to the Father of the universe, through the name of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and for a considerable time he gives thanks (in Greek: eucharistian) that we have been judged worthy of these gifts.

When he has concluded the prayers and thanksgivings, all present give voice to an acclamation by saying: ‘Amen.’

When he who presides has given thanks and the people have responded, those whom we call deacons give to those present the “eucharisted” bread, wine and water and take them to those who are absent. 171”
--- Catechism of the Catholic Church

To clarify, shaking hands with each other is NOT part of the liturgy.  If a priest says, “Peace be with you” and the people answer “And also with you” the “Offer each other a sign of peace” is NOT required.  I know a a few priests who no longer do this (and I’m not talking about the Tridentine mass, but the Novus Ordo).

Also, Cardinal Arinze once said that, when asked to offer that sign of peace, one is to do so with the person on your right, the person on your left and that’s it.  So that’s all I do, when I’m at a church that does it.

Mine does not.  I also know of two other parishes who suspend this practice when, about 2 years back, the vatican sent out information about germs during flu season. 

And remember, offering a sign of peace still doesn’t mean you must touch the other person says this germaphobe who has seen people unwedge their underwear, pick their nose, sneeze into their hands - when there’s no tissue around, it’s supposed to be the forearm, people! - or, my personal fave, dig the pinkie into the ear and vibrate it on high.  That’s a man favorite.  What, now your ear wax is something I should be willing to touch?  Right.  That’s why I hold my missal open with both hands. 

But as for some nut-job doing what he did?  How do you know he’s not on meds? Or worse, not on meds?  I’d laugh and be glad that he gave me a good story to tell.

I wonder if Jesus was afraid of germs?

Good point, Mary. And I wonder how RELUCTANT He was to reach out to those around him, part of the mass or not..

Actually, I don’t think the point is germane at all.  If the vatican sends documents to parishes about the option to withhold hand-shaking during flu season, that, in a way, IS what Jesus is saying.  He speaks through His church.  Why put so much emotional investment into something that the church clearly states is optional?  And why no compassion for those with compromised immune systems?

Do we have to give the sign of the peace by touching hands? I thought it was the gesture that was important (a respectful sign of unity before the Eucharist) and not the physical form it takes? Nodding and saying ‘peace be with you’ is acceptable in my parish. I think the problem that Rachel encountered was that the man in question simply did not want to extend the ‘sign of peace’ (in whatever form) specifically to her, whilst he was overtly OK expressing it to her sons. That would hurt.

The Sign of Peace makes me uncomfortable now that I have babies. I am always worried that the people behind me will be grossed out by shaking my hand. Considering during mass I am always wiping some form of spit, snot or other grossness. I try to be concsious of this fact and if I have been wiping not to shake but smile. Then I worry that people haven’t noticed and my think I am rude. It really is too nerve-racking for me right when I need to be focused fully on Christ.

I’m sorry this happened to you and can’t think of any excuse for this man’s hurtful actions. However, I don’t think you should have written about it and make it quasi-public.  Kind of like ganging up on him.  Instead, I think you should address it (or perhaps better - have your husband address it) with the man privately.  Writing about it here and then posting on your blog could make things worse, esp. if you’re so well-known in your town.