Are We There YET?

July/August 2008 Issue | Posted by Mary Ellen Barrett in Features

A friend of mine recently confided in me that she felt completely overwhelmed by the thought of an upcoming family vacation with her small children.

It would be a beach vacation, she told me, and she predicted that her days would consist of packing up the little ones, trekking them to the beach, and counting heads while they were there. All day, every day, she would fight sunburn, bug bites, trips to the pool nearby, sand in the food, and somehow manage to keep the gang from drowning.

No wonder the poor woman was dreading the week away! I pointed out to my friend that while the logistics of her family trips were unlikely to change for at least a few years, one thing she could change was her mindset.

Her first mistake, you see, was in referring to her family’s upcoming beach trip as a “vacation.” Traveling with small children is not, for parents, a vacation. It is a trip. Trips are a good and wonderful way to build family unity, but they are no vacation. The sooner a mom embraces the differences, the happier she will be.

See if you can tell the difference:

• A vacation is when you sit at the beach or at the pool and attractive people bring you pretty drinks with umbrellas in them. You dress nicely for dinner and eat with utensils.

• Atripis when you have a carload of children, a dump truck’s worth of snacks, and dozens of blankies, binkies, and bottles. You cart all of this to a different location where you spend several days keeping track of it all.

• On a vacation, adults try new things like parasailing or a gourmet meal. They go dancing until all hours and sleep late.

• On a trip, children have great fun stretching the limits of their independence (they get lost), trying new things (they jump into the deep end of the pool without an adult close by), staying up past their bedtimes (they get overtired and cranky), and playing outdoors (they get sunburned and bug bitten).

• On vacation, you leave beds unmade and someone else washes the dishes.

• On a trip, mom does everything she does at home but less conveniently and in unfamiliar surroundings.

• On vacation, it’s okay to get a little lost, as you can enjoy just exploring and seeing new things.

• On a trip, mom lives in stark terror of losing the 2-year-old at the beach while trying to dig the crying 5-year-old out of the hole his brother buried him in.

• On a vacation, an afternoon nap is mandatory.
• On a trip, mom is exhausted enough for bed at 5 p.m., but the children, who were too busy swimming to eat lunch, are starving and need to eat — now!

• On vacation, you eat at fun theme restaurants for lunch and try intimate little restaurants for dinner.

• On a trip, dinnertime finds you shouting into a clown’s mouth and scooping ketchup off the car seat before smearing it onto someone’s fries.

Tripsprovide wonderful memories of childhood for the children, but a mom can come home feeling like she is returning from war. And then she has to do the laundry for the troops, too.

Ultimately, though, family trips make up a large part of your family history and eventually become the stuff of legend. My brother and I still laugh uproariously when we recall our mother’s run-in with an angry skunk the first time we vacationed in a rickety cabin in the wilds of Maine. I had such fond memories of that trip that I brought my own family back to the same place. The cabin is still rickety, and now my children have some pretty funny stories of my dealings with the local wildlife.

Once you’ve accepted the inevitability of your dream vacation turning into a family trip, it’s time to work out the details. Years of family trip experience have taught me that, especially if you have a large family, being as well organized as possible is the key to family trip success.

Pack Like a Pro

Make a Master List

An experienced mom once advised me to make a master packing checklist. Spend 20 minutes typing up a list of absolutely everything you will need to bring. Spreadsheet programs make this quite easy, but any computer program you are comfortable with will work. Divide your list by family members, and then have a section devoted to the miscellaneous flotsam and jetsam that gets your family through the day. A toiletries and medication section is also helpful. In order to be helpful, your final master list should be specific to the kind of trip you are planning. A camping list and a resort list should look very different from one another.

The Sticky Post Method

Not everyone loves a spreadsheet. For those family packers who might need a more visual, hands-on method of organization, try the sticky post packing method: Buy a package of multi-colored sticky posts, assign a color to each family member, and write required personal items on squares.

A sticky post devoted to your darling daughter might say, “five short-sleeved shirts.” A toiletry sticky post might say, “Tylenol.” Post the squares on a wall near where you pack. As items get packed, throw out the squares. You might also consider sticking some sticky posts on the door you plan to leave through — many last-minute items are easy to forget in the rush to get out of the house in the morning. The baby’s favorite blanket or doll, someone’s morning medication, hairbrushes (we always forget hairbrushes), and the essential, for this mom: travel mug filled with coffee.

Ease the Journey

Mark the Miles

To make a long car trip seem less tedious, plan on a few activities to mark the miles. You can easily print road maps for older children to follow along. To counteract the inevitable litany of “Are we there yet?” I made “trip books” for each of my children on a recent trip. I purchased flexible binders at the dollar store, and placed printed MapQuest directions and a satellite picture inside each. Then, in page protectors, I added coloring pages of the flora and fauna of each state we passed through, word search and crossword puzzles with a travel theme, car bingo games, and a list of fun facts about traveling and famous people who lived near our destination. The binders have since become cherished memory books for the kids as they added drawings, menus, pictures, and postcards during our trip.

Take the Opportunity to Talk ...

Part of the reason to take family trips is to spend some time reconnecting with your children in a way that does not happen readily in the bustle of daily life. So talk. Bring up memories, tell stories of when they were babies, tell stories of when you were a kid yourself. Get in their heads a little bit and share some of yourself. Without the distractions of home, school, friends, and work you have a precious opportunity to grow truly closer as a family.

... and to Savor the Silence

That said, as parents, we can become overly concerned with making every moment on a trip fun, educational, or filled to the brim with activity. Sometimes just letting everyone stare out the window and enjoy their own thoughts can be a welcome break. How often do you get to do that together at home? Parents should not feel pressured to fill every mo­ ment with entertainment and activity.

If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them ...

Play!

My mom was one of those “get outside and play” moms. She was always right there with us, splashing in the pool, canoeing on the lake, and riding on the roller coasters. While it is important to keep some of your routines — don’t skip naps for toddlers, and feed the children meals at regular intervals — let go a bit and enjoy the freedom of being surrounded by people and places you will never see again. Play tag at the rest stop, make sandcastles at the beach, ride the flume and get gloriously wet. Don’t worry about perfect nutrition and clean clothes for a few days. Dirty, sticky kids are usually really happy kids.

Relax!

Don’t forget to hand over the camera and let the children take some pictures of you, too. This is no time to worry about your hair or make-up or how much weight you’ve gained. These pictures will be viewed by your children and grandchildren and will become part of your family lore. Imagine your grandchildren looking in wonder at a picture of you riding a horse or kissing a dolphin. This is your legacy to them, a joyful appreciation of the fun things in family life.

While you are on the road or spending time away from home, try to relax and enjoy your children and their reactions to their new surroundings. Plan ahead as much as you can, but be prepared to roll with the punches a bit. Accept that this trip is not your dream vacation, but family life is all about the side journeys we take. Every moment you spend creating memories with the children will bind them to you in ways that bring you joy for the rest of your life.

There now. Isn’t that worth a little sand in your sandwich?

Mary Ellen Barrett is a mother of seven whose family trips begin in

Lindenhurst, N.Y.

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