From Darkness to Light

September/October 2008 Issue | Posted by Lisa Klewicki, Ph.D. in Features

By Lisa Klewicki, Ph.D.

Sue pulls the pillow over her head as the snooze alarm goes off again. She desperately wishes that she could stay in bed instead of facing another day. Her husband, Joe, gently shakes her shoulder.

“Get up, honey. It’s getting late.”

“I’m going, I’m going!” Sue snaps back.

Forcing herself through her morning routine, Sue looks in the mirror and wonders exactly when she got so old and tired. She thinks about all the things she must accomplish before leaving the house for work and finds herself on the verge of tears.

“Why can’t Joe take more responsibility in the morning?” she thinks to herself. “I do everything … pick out the kids’ clothes, get breakfast, make sure they are getting ready on time. He makes their lunches, but really that’s not much.”

She dreads going downstairs to get breakfast. Though she loves her boys very much, lately every morning goes the same way. There are pleasant “Good mornings” and hugs and kisses, but then something is bound to go wrong that will add one more hurdle to the morning.

Will Joe have forgotten to get something for an office party? Will James spill his milk while explaining something with his hands? Will John make her feel that she is a horrible mother because she makes him eat his eggs? She knows the morning will end with her yelling at someone and leaving for work without making amends to her hurt family. She realizes now that she has spent too long in the bathroom and must hurry downstairs without taking time for morning prayer.

“I’m always late. Why can’t I get myself and the kids together? Plenty of other mothers work and don’t have these kinds of problems. What’s wrong with me?”

These thoughts drag behind Sue as she heads downstairs. It seems that her discouragement and exhaustion only increase with each day, but, not wanting to seem weak or different, Sue keeps going. She avoids her family and avoids God. She does not listen to her instincts that tell her something is really wrong with her and needs to be dealt with. Instead, she pushes herself through life, continuing to degrade her spiritual life as wife and mother, and most importantly, as a child of God.

Sue is depressed.

Risk Factors

Sue’s story demonstrates how mental illness can affect a woman’s ability to act as a spiritual guide for her children or as a helpmate for her husband. Fatigue, difficulty concentrating, and irritability all affect her ability to be the wife, mother, and woman God intends her to be.

Most women experience some level of depression at some point in their lives. For the majority of these women, depression is temporary and mild; it does not obviously affect their ability to function and care for their families for any extended period of time. For others like Sue, however, many small symptoms can add up to become a significant detriment to themselves and their families.

Often, women like Sue feel that depression is a sign of weakness and failure on their parts, which leads to feelings of guilt and remorse about their difficulties. Failing to acknowledge and treat the symptoms of depression, however, only leads to further discouragement and resentment. These negative feelings can cause depressed individuals to pull farther away from God, rather than turn toward him. Not only does depression cause a diminished relationship with God, it leads to social isolation and loneliness even within the family structure.

Sue’s failure to treat her depression is not just hurting herself; it’s also hurting those around her whom she loves. Only by recognizing and treating depression can women like Sue begin to develop a deeper relationship with God, learn to accept themselves, get the help they need, and finally assume more fully their spiritual roles in their families.

Major life changes increase wo­ men’s vulnerability to developing depression. Physical illness, moving, marriage, losing a loved one, pregnancy, birth of a child, and meno­ pause are all examples of times in which the risk for depression increases. The risk for depression is higher among women with first-degree biological relatives who suffered from depression.

Treatment

Once depression is recognized, it is important to address it properly. Though depression is a clinical illness, social stigma and feelings of weakness often discourage depressed women from seeking the help they need. For those with unmanageable symptoms, though, professional help is a necessary part of recovering mental health. Whether the symp­ ­ ­ toms are mild or severe, the most common methods of addressing depression include physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of the person. Physically, it is important to have a physician assess the severity of the depression, investigate possible physical causes of symptoms, and treat chemical imbalances or other medical conditions that can mimic depression.

Emotionally, a psychotherapist can help a depressed person develop strategies for coping with specific life stressors. Spiritually, the development of a solid prayer life, including individual and communal prayer, can help to relieve feelings of hopelessness and isolation. Prayer can also guide a woman as she seeks to fulfill her role as wife, mother, and child of God — ultimately, the most important reason to seek well-being.

Signs and S­­ymptoms

Everyone has “off” days or periods of stress in their lives, but if your struggles are ongoing and interfering with your daily activities and responsibilities, you should consider getting a professional diagnosis. Some of the most common symptoms of depression include:

Sad most of the day
Weepiness or crying spells
Hopelessness
Poor self-esteem
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
Feeling discouraged
Lethargy
Excessive fearfulness
Changes in sleep patterns
Changes in eating habits
Physical discomfort
Indecisiveness
Lack of concentration
Lack of interest in pleasurable activities
Withdrawal from friends and family
Irritability
Excessive guilt

Getting Help

If you think that you might be suffering from clinical depression, your path to wellness can begin at your doctor’s office. Many family practitioners and Ob-Gyns are trained to recognize and treat depression. Those who are not can provide you with a referral to a mental health professional who can give you a diagnosis, prescribe medication if necessary, and help you find appropriate therapy. Call your physician’s office first — you might need to make an appointment to get a referral or they may be able to give you one over the phone.

If you want to encourage a family member or other loved one who might be depressed to seek professional help, keep in mind that a depressed person tends to feel powerless. Offer to make the necessary doctor appointments, research insurance coverage, pick up prescriptions, or baby sit while she’s at the doctor. Being supportive in small, practical ways can encourage a depressed person to seek out the help that she desperately needs.E

Lisa Klewicki, a licensed clinical psychologist in Falls Church, Va., holds an M.A. in theology as well as a Ph.D. in psychology.

Baby Blues? Or Something More Serious?

Half to 80% of new mothers in the U.S. experience what professionals call the “Baby Blues” during late pregnancy or in the weeks following the birth of a new baby. The symptoms of “Baby Blues” are quite similar to depression (frequent crying spells, inability to focus, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness) and are caused by temporary fluctuations in female hormone levels during pregnancy and after delivery. Getting the “Baby Blues” is normal for the postpartum period, and its symptoms usually take care of themselves over the course of a few days or at most two weeks.

Postpartum depression (PPD), however, can begin for a mother anytime in the first year after giving birth. PPD might begin as the “Baby Blues,” but its symptoms grow only more serious and debilitating if left untreated. Some contributing factors that increase a mother’s chances for postpartum depression include marital stress, family history of depression, a long, difficult, or complicated labor experience, no husband or husband who is frequently away from home, and a personal history of hormonal problems such as PMS.

If “Baby Blues” lasts longer than two weeks and is accompanied by any of the following symptoms, it is important to seek professional help:

• Excessive anxiety: worrying about your own health or the baby’s safety so much that it interferes with daily activities.

• Lack of interest in former activities: no longer enjoying social activities and hobbies that were previously an important part of your life.

• Thoughts of hurting yourself or the baby: fantasizing about disaster situations or thinking violent thoughts.

• Feelings of hopelessness: despairing that life will always be hard and you will never get better.

• Inability to deal with everyday life: being too distracted to handle a trip to the store or too weepy and tired to fix a meal.

• Insomnia: fears, sadness, and anxiety prevent you from getting proper rest, even when the baby sleeps.

Resources for Fighting Depression

Surviving Depression: A Catholic Approach by Kathryn J. Hermes

Hermes, a sister with the Daughters of St. Paul, writes about her own struggles with depression in this practical guide for fellow Catholics. Especially helpful is the fact that she touches on spiritual aspects of depression and suggests ways to seek healing through faith that you aren’t likely to find at a medical doctor’s office.

Also available is a companion workbook in which readers are encouraged to journal their own thoughts, struggles, and prayers as they recover from their own depression. Surviving Depression is a gentle, faith-filled, and thoroughly Catholic approach to mental illness.

(Pauline Books, $12.95 for the book and $12.95 for the journal from Pauline.org)

CatholicTherapists.com
This website is an invaluable, free resource for those seeking a mental health professional who shares their Catholic faith. You can search by state to find a practicing therapist in your area who is faithful to the teachings of the Catholic Church.

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