July/August 2008 Issue | Posted by Tammy Darling in Features
Refrigerator raids, loud mu sic, and a lot of horsing around may not sound like fun to you, but to your kids and their friends it’s heaven on earth. Yes, kids — especially teens — can be loud, expensive, and at times, can rattle your nerves, but the time, money, and energy you spend on them now is a wise investment, paying lasting dividends.
Studies and statistics show that teens without a healthy peer group are more at risk for getting involved with the wrong crowd.
As a teenager, I wasn’t encouraged to have friends over and rarely did. As a result, I often found myself at other people’s homes doing things I never would have tried at home. As my own children approach the age of wanting to have their friends over for more than an occasional play date, I decided to make sure our home is welcoming and fun.
Creating a kid-friendly home is one of the best parenting decisions you can ever make. Kids are always on the hunt for a cool hangout spot — what better place than your house? When your home is welcoming and fun, your kids and their friends will want to spend time there.
Having a kid-friendly home doesn’t mean you don an apron and serve milk and cookies every day. Kids don’t need you to hover over them; they just need to know that you’re near and that they are welcome. By just being yourself, you will show them your openness, as well as your humanity; it makes them feel safe.
An open house has many benefits. Below are some reasons why your house is the place to hang out:
*It provides automatic supervision.
When you open your house to others, you have the final say on music, movies, and other media — a choice you can’t always monitor when your kids are at someone else’s home. You also know what your kids are doing, who their friends are, and what their interests are.
*It gives your kids a sense of belonging.
When you have a “closed” home, you unintentionally isolate your children, making them feel as though they don’t belong. An open house, however, gives your children a comfortable and fun place to form lasting relationships.
*It earns you the right to be heard.
Building relationships with your children and their friends now improves your chances that they will listen to and confide in you later. It’s pretty hard to respect the opinion of a virtual stranger, but a welcoming, caring relationship makes it a lot easier.
*It makes you less critical.
When you spend time with your kids and their friends, you begin to recognize and appreciate their individuality. Even loudness, goofiness, and sometimes annoying habits can seem less bothersome when you really know a person.
*It builds your hospitality.
A house with extra kids on a regular basis means extra food. An open house requires an open pantry — one that’s well stocked. Consider the extra expense for soda, pizza, and snacks an investment in your kids’ lives. Nothing draws a crowd like food!
*You minister to others.
Just the atmosphere of a Christian home can have a profound effect on all that enter into it. Having an open home enables you to serve and minister to the needs of your children and their friends in a greater capacity than ever before.
When it comes to establishing your home as a welcoming hangout, there are a few dos and don’ts to consider, as well:
Don’t worry about what your home looks like. Most kids (even your own) don’t care about your decorating style or how clean your house is. What they’ll notice is if they are truly welcome there.
Doestablish guidelines. Some of your teenager’s friends may not have a curfew, or at least have a very late one, so set your own curfew or you may find these friends still hanging out at 1 or 2 in the morning. Other rules to consider include: no friends over when a parent is not present, no co-ed sleepovers, and friends should have pre-arranged rides home.
Don’t try to become one of the gang. You want to be present, but neither interfering nor inserting yourself too much in the fun. A friendly hello or hug combined with a little small talk and an offer of food and drink, and, at end, by a warm goodbye, will in time form a positive and lasting connection.
Dotreat your kids and their friends with respect. Kindness and consideration go a long way in any relationship. Do you know their favorite snacks? Their interests? When their birthdays are? Kids are fun to get to know when we take the time to do so.
Don’tfeel you have to have the latest tech toys to have a cool hangout house. While kids do like to play video games and such, they often just want to hang out and talk while snacking, knowing they are welcome and wanted.
Do pray for them frequently. Once you begin to get to know them better, you’ll gain a clearer insight into their problems and concerns. Let them know you’re praying for them, and ask if they have any specific prayer requests.
Don’tcompromise your values. Even though you want your kids and their friends to like you, never compromise on the values you wish to instill. It’s your home and you still have control over the entertainment — movies, video games, computer use, etc. If a friend brings a movie or video game of his own, check it out first.
It’s never too early to start instilling a welcoming attitude in our children and our homes. The enticements of the world will be pulling at them soon enough. We can provide a safe haven for them now.
Tammy Darling serves pizza and picks up sweat socks in her open house in
Three Springs, Pa.
Comments (6) |
Filed under catholic youth, hospitality, teens
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Thanks for this article! I’ve come to enjoy opening our home to our teenager’s friends. It’s also great that the magazine is publishing more articles for parents of older children & teens 
I find our teens don’t want to bring friends here because of all the younger siblings and we only have one main family room. A matter of fact, even when my 17yo is home he spends most of his time in his bedroom away from the activity and noise of 6 younger siblings. Our first floor has just a kitchen, living room and our school room. We also live rurally. We homeschool our kids through part of high school too which has really limited my boys’ friendships. Suggestions? I’ve always wanted to have kids who would have friends here.
Do you have a garage that could be semi converted to a hang-out space? No need for finished walls and pretty carpet...just a couple of places to sit on and a table of some type for putting feet up on and food onto. Even a small section will do. When I was young I remember the older siblings having a space in the basement...again completely unfancy...that we younger ones weren’t allowed into unless invited.
One thing that works for our homeschooled teens is that when they have friends over their friends bring along their younger siblings. (Just a few of them or it gets out of hand.) That way the little kids are occupied with each other. Sometimes though the big kids will include the little kids in their games. Other times they’ll break off into separate groups. Nobody seems to mind. Greg and I also let them have the “big rooms” to themselves.
thanks for the suggestions. Will need to ponder the options. Our boys have set up a weight lifting area in our garagebut it also gets taken over by bikes and such - maybe we need to establish some better rules about the littles and this area. We have a ping pong table in the basement and maybe could clear around it enough for people to sit too.
But part of the reality is that we live ‘out of the way’. Most kids we know live in 3 different towns around us. And actually my 16yo has no guy homeschool friends - aren’t any in our homeschool group. This is the way it was for our 2nd son too and he ended up in public school last year.
I do like the idea of working on an area for teens only around here. thanks again for the suggestions.
This is a great article. You are very right on your suggestions. Thank you.
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